30 Sentences: Dolores

Dolores explains the context of her 30 sentences:

“‘Transitioning’ from one house to another this past summer didn’t feel unsettling, though at times it can. As a married woman with two children, this moving around has happened five times in the past seven years.

On a stroll during a short break in Montana, I reflected on the peace and rest I was experiencing. I thought of the source of my peace and rest — God — and the connectedness of things: the hardships of life, the beauty of nature, people and relationships, the artistry of man and woman. When I choose to see the ‘wholeness’ in which God created all that is around me, I see the dance of life manifested. I can carry each day with strength that I gain from God, enjoy and take in moments that are life giving.”

Alex

The first time I visited the Hoover Bridge, I took Noemi and some ice cream with me. On my second visit, I go alone, carrying a half-finished portrait of Mickey to prove that I’ve been there before, that I’m come in peace. I worry that the camera slung over my shoulder might say otherwise. 

But Mickey isn’t there. In fact, I don’t recognize anyone from my first visit. Feeling unsure of myself, I start asking around for Mickey. No one seems to know where she is. Or maybe they don’t like me snooping around.

“Excuse me, do you know a woman named Mickey?”
“Yeah, she moved. I remember you. You passed out ice cream last time.”

Take It to Bridge: Popsicles and Ice Cream Sandwiches

‘Come, my Father has given you his blessing. Receive the kingdom God has prepared for you since the world was made. I was hungry, and you gave me food. I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink. I was alone and away from home, and you invited me into your house. I was without clothes, and you gave me something to wear. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and give you food, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you alone and away from home and invite you into our house? When did we see you without clothes and give you something to wear? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and care for you?’

BSF in London

Reading the Bible, praying, meditating, taking my vitamins, exercising: things I value in principal but cannot seem to manage on a regular basis.

The 40+ Project: Liliana, 42

The 40+ Project has not been forgotten, though it’s moving at a much more leisurely pace than before. I had a little check-in on Facebook to see where people thought the project was headed and Daniel (his interview here) thinks that it has come to an organic end. He says, “It’s supposed to lead you somewhere. I think you already have your next topic, anyway.” Maybe. Still others suggest that I continue on with interviews for the rest of my 40th year. I think I’ll nestle somewhere between the two. I’m not exactly sure what I was searching for with these interviews — perhaps a sense of companionship as I crossed over the 40 threshold and someone telling me it’s not just okay but great on the other side. In that sense, Daniel is totally right: mission accomplished one month into my 40s, done and done. In terms of continuing to document the infinite variations and comforting similarities of life experiences, though, I don’t mind keeping the door open to the 40+ Project for a while longer, even if it isn’t for 11 more months. Sure, I could cajole people to tell their stories in a different context but something about taking stock of life with the 40s as a marker between the past and future has a certain poignancy and profundity that still intrigues me … Which brings us to today’s 40+ interview.

Liliana is a natural nutritional counselor based in Vancouver, Canada. She has been pivotal in helping me through the last seven (now approaching eight) months of chronic herniation-related pain. I first approached her for pure nutritional guidance as part of my Fun 39 but as I became increasingly debilitated and cut off from everyone/everything, she really served as a lifeline to sanity, peace of mind and hope. She, along with my parents, family and few close friends were the main constant in my life and, thanks to Skype, I never had to leave my bed to have access to her wealth of scientific knowledge, spiritual wisdom and emotional guidance. Liliana herself has been through some extraordinary life experiences. Her personal and professional journey creates an interesting context for her thoughts on living through the 20s, 30s and 40s and what it means to age well beyond that. I feel inspired and I hope do you, too.

---

• More about Liliana and her work as a holistic nutritionist
• More 40+ interviews
• My thoughts on being 39 going on 40

MRI Results

Ok, so with all the hullaballoo around the birthday and the 40+ Project, I completely forgot to do an update on the MRI I had done a month ago. I normally don’t like to share the intimate, nitty day-to-day stuff here — just the deeply vulnerable matter-of-the-heart stuff, please — but that is what I’ve been doing for months with the copious amount of (over) sharing regarding my back-related pain. I felt the need to share, not just to vent and process but to show what the internal, spiritual aspect of this experience is like for me, hoping that it would encourage and even, dare I say, bless people somehow. I dunno, I guess I suddenly feel self-conscious about how self-indulgent and exhibitionist all of this might come across and I need to explain myself somehow. Not that this is that great of an explanation. More like the sheepish shuffling of my feet I used to do right before an oral presentation in Mr Gershon’s sixth-grade class. Anyway, the results.

Let’s start with the first MRI from last November:

• Between L3-4 (lumbar vertebrae three and four): 2.4mm disc protrusion that abuts the thecal sac
• L4-5: 10.2mm right paracentral disc extrusion that indents the thecal sac and compresses the right L4 and L5 nerve roots producing spinal canal narrowing, right greater than left lateral recess and neuroforaminal narrowing
• L5-S1 (sacral vertebra one): 2.4mm central focal disc protrusion that abuts the thecal sac

Second MRI from March after receiving the new treatments for three weeks:

• L3-4: No evidence of any disc bulges or herniation
• L4-5: Diffuse disc bulge measuring 3.4mm with displacement of the posterior ligament, narrowing of the spinal canal and compression of the spinal cord
• L5-S1: No evidence of any disc bulges of herniation

There is a lot I can say about this “evidence”, though, personally, walking up and down hills in my neighborhood and wearing heels for my birthday are evidence enough. There is a lot I’ve already said in real-life conversations with friends and family but what I’ll say here for now is that I’m so glad I stuck to my guns — despite many concerned friends and family members and one haughty, dismissive doctor — and opted not to get surgery. I don’t mean that others should not get surgery in a similar situation or that I will never get surgery myself for something else in the future. I just mean that I felt a conviction in a deep place within that told me my journey through this should be without laying on the operating table and I had to follow that conviction.

The 40+ Project: Keary, 44

As with Joyce, my interview with Keary, age 44, was riddled with technical problems. We probably started and stopped five times. Thanks to his patience with all of the nonsense, I still managed to get some great nuggets of wisdom from Keary. He said at one point, “I want you to know that, no matter what, this is the longest conversation you and I have ever had since we met. Congratulations.” We met about eight years ago, so congratulations were definitely in order! What would we do without Facebook and random interview projects to bring the world closer together?

---

• More 40+ interviews
• My thoughts on being 39 going on 40

The 40+ Project: Joyce, 41

Today, Palm Sunday, is a great day to present my interview with Joyce who says she ultimately found her true identity “in following God.” I’m not sure if the internet connection was poor or if Google Hangout is unreliable but we definitely had some technical issues with a lot of starts, stops and lags on the video. Thankfully the audio is pretty decent. I kept the video in because there’s something about watching the expressions and mannerisms of someone when you’re listening to what they have to say.

---

• More 40+ interviews
• My thoughts on being 39 going on 40

MRI Monday

E-Z peasy

The last time I got an MRI done, I was given scrubs to change into. This time, I got a robe which exposed legs that haven’t been shaven since October. It was rather unfortunate.

---

Yup, I got my second spinal MRI scan today. I was very calm when I got the first MRI on Halloween last year but today was different. I could feel my heart trying to leap out of my chest through the entirety of the 20 minutes. As the machine buzzed and hummed ominously into my ears, my mind spun with questions about what the machine was seeing. Images from the first MRI with the herniated disc pushing against the nerves like the bow against the strings on a cello kept flashing before my eyes. What if nothing has changed? What if it’s changed only a little? What would that mean for the emotional, spiritual and mental roller coaster of these past five months, not to mention the promise of full healing that was received through prayer? What would that mean for the faith that I am just now getting back? What does it say about my faith and trust that I am asking all these questions? I suppose you can’t help but feel a little coocoo when you’re trapped under a machine that looks like something out of 2001: A Space Odyssey.

I tried to calm myself down by counting all the guest stars that have appeared on all seven seasons of 30 Rock. I know that sounds completely random and out of left field, but this is a coping mechanism I’ve used since junior high school: count all the movies I’ve ever watched, all the movies I want to watch, all the movies I know of, all the movies I’d like in my film library, all the guest stars on Friends, all the guest stars on Will and Grace … You get the idea, and now I’ve publicly exposed a whole new level of crazy, as well as an apparent affinity for NBC comedies. Anyway, that only stressed me out even more because I just KNEW Alec Baldwin had more romantic story arcs — and therefore more guest co-stars — than I could recall on the spot. Next I tried some kind of Jedi mind trick to move my spine over to the correct spot. Miracles can happen in an instant, right, God? The mind may be a powerful thing but my mind, at least, isn’t that strong. Plus, I’m pretty sure God’s tendency isn’t to appease the desperate pleas stemming from some manic mental acrobatics. I’ll just have to wait for the MRI results to untangle my spiritual and philosophical quandaries. In the meantime, I guess I’ll go get a much-needed pedicure. And check out the 30 Rock IMDB page.